Unmistakably Uncool (Part 2): My clothes

Now, astute readers, I know you read Maureen's comment about my very cool shirt from the Cannoli Corner (in Ocean City, NJ) that says "don't bust my cannolis." I still own it. But that is the only piece of cool clothing I own. And, I can't glean any cool points for it, because I don't wear the shirt anymore. (It is stored away for that far-off day when I will use it to make a T-shirt quilt.)

I decided to write this little series about two weeks ago when I was tying on a brand-spanking new pair of Keds. I was laughing at myself. Look at you. You are STILL wearing Keds. Can't you just get with the times?

No, I say back to myself. Keds are so comfy. I love Keds. And penny loafers too. I'm stuck in the eighties, and I like it here.

Mind you, I don't just dress in the *style* of another decade, I wear apparel that was actually *purchased* in another decade. Like my "Williamsburg" T-shirt. I got it in 1989 or 1990. People, I put it on the other day and wore it around in public. It has been laundered so many times it is practically see-through. Of course, I didn't notice that until we were already in C'ville waiting for the guys at Firestone to finish working on the Civic.

But there's more. Not only is it old, and transparent, but this shirt is also LONG! Like mid-thigh length. WHO WEARS THAT STUFF ANYMORE? Me. And almost every other T-shirt I own is also way too big for me - which was cool IN THE EIGHTIES, but not now.

So, what about the rest of the wardrobe? Ummm... Let's just reiterate my point from the last segment of "Unmistakably:" the word "outfit" is not an appropriate description for anything I wear. (Unless a pair of elastic-waisted, black shorts, with an untucked, blue T-shirt can be considered an outfit. A walking bruise, maybe, but not an outfit.)

And don't even ask me about accessories. I have always felt self-conscious about wearing scarves or any sort of pin. I used to wear earrings. Then I just kept the same pair in for, like, a year. Finally, I quit wearing them at all. And hats? Abso-frieking-lutely not. Unless it's my Yankees cap... at an *Indians* game - very UNCOOL, folks!

I do, however, have several cool rings. Lovely ones, really. But I only wear rings on my ring fingers. With my left hand already permanently ring-laden, that only leaves my right. And I almost always reach for my class ring from Witt.... because the practical side of me doesn't want to wear around the "nice" stuff while I am cleaning poop off the TV and fishing scrunchies out of the toilet (both of which I have done in the last 3 days.)

So, if I haven't convinced you, then you can come over and see for yourself. Just make sure you come over after 11:00 a.m. Cuz, I am likely to still be in my jammies before then, which is, as you know.......

(I'll let you finish that statement.)