Friday, May 05, 2006

This should be good...

So, uh, Bev tagged me to do a list of, of all things, cleaning tips.

Dear, sweet Bev. So innocent, she is.

I don't want to dissapoint her. So here goes. Just remember, Bev, you ASKED for this:

Lori's cleaning tips
1. Wipe stuff up as soon as it spills. Particularly sticky stuff, or stuff that hardens when it dries. If you don't, it will require a whole lot of elbow grease later on. Or cussing. Or both.

2. A great way to dispose of rotten, solidified milk that has been festering in a sippy cup for a few days, is to dump it down the garbage disposal. Oh, you don't have a garbage disposal? That's okay. "Garbage disposal" is actually Swahili for "toilet bowl." So, whatever works.

3. If you have children under the age of 5, you definitely want to sweep the kitchen floor AT LEAST once a month.

4. And, I read a tip somewhere that when you get around to mopping said floor, you should use your kitchen garbage can to hold the cleaning water. That way it gets cleaned twice a year too! Isn't that convenient?

5. Get you some Oreck.

6. Before you clean out your microwave, boil some water with a few slices of lemon in it for about 5 minutes. Makes it easier to clean. Don't have any lemons handy? That's acutally the best scenario of all. Then all you have to do is gently close the microwave door and sit down for a cup of coffee. I mean, who really looks in people's microwaves, for goodnes sake?

7. If your son ever intentionally squirts mustard on your living room carpet, here's a tip that will save you OODLES of cleaning time: put a piece of furniture over it. That stain won't be coming out any time in this millenium. Of course, I cannot speak to what you should do if the mustard was squirted accidentally, or if it was squirted in any room other than the living room.

8. Children don't know that Swiffer dusters aren't toys. Whatever you do, do not let the secret slip.

9. There is a way to get all the carpets in your house clean without lifting a finger. All you need to do is go to China for two weeks to bring home a baby. But, just before you leave, call a dear friend (who owns a carpet-cleaning device) and casually mention that you really wanted to have the carpets clean for the baby to lay on when you came home, but you just didn't have the time to get it done. Of course this method only works if you have a spare key. Cuz, if you picked the right friend, she'll just get the key from you and do it herself while you are gone.

10. I'm going to let you in on a little secret - The Fly Lady is wrong about one thing: You will save more time cleaning if you spend your day in bare feet. Think "third hand."

Really, that's quite enough of this, isn't it?

You can all thank me later.

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10 Comments:

Blogger Heather said...

ha ha ha! That was the funniest post I've read in a long time! SO funny!

Sat May 06, 12:33:00 AM  
Blogger BooMama said...

THAT was hysterical. #6 made me laugh out loud. So I'll thank you right now. Thank you. :-)

Sat May 06, 12:50:00 AM  
Blogger Blessed Beyond Measure said...

what a great point of view - shows us there are many acceptable levels of clean. Even though the last kid moved away to college 4 years ago I still truly never walk barefoot in our house. Too many years experience telling me keep shoes on my feet because grape jelly DOES lurk somewhere, just waiting. Slippers are much less work than mopping.

And swifter - more necessary than my makeup, almost.

Sat May 06, 07:46:00 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

I'm with Boo on #6--I may even read this list again later just so I can laugh some more!! Thanks for the Sat morning giggle.

Sat May 06, 10:58:00 AM  
Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

I think we might be kindred spirits . . . And the garbage can tip was GOOD! :)

Sat May 06, 10:31:00 PM  
Anonymous mama a said...

I proclaim proudly that Pezmama picked up all her wonderful housekeeping habits and expertise from me!!!!!!!

Sun May 07, 12:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lori....that is just the best...your mother and i cooked up some great housecleaning methods...the best was just go camping with the girl scouts and then you didn't have to do any of it because you weren't there.

Mon May 08, 03:23:00 PM  
Blogger Shalee said...

Woo hoo! Someone who keeps house like I do... I will never be ashamed to have you over woman!

Wed May 10, 12:39:00 PM  
Blogger Kili @ Live Each Moment said...

that is so funny, except I have to say when I wear my shoes like flylady suggests...i get more done. loved reading your post, it made me laugh

Wed May 10, 03:38:00 PM  
Blogger sarahgrace said...

Ha ha ha! Great post!

Thu May 11, 02:48:00 PM  

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