Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Thank the blogger malfunction

I typed out a long, whiney post last night and wondered if I should even post it. Blogger decided that for me, thanks to some kind of malfunction that kept me from publishing. You are all probably better off for it. So here is a much more tame, much shorter, and only slightly whiney version of what I said:

I think that listening is an art. I also think that this particular art has very few masters.

Now, although I think this statement is true, my feelings about it are born purely out of selfishness. I want people to care about what I think. I want to talk about what I think and have people consider what I think. I want people to ask about what I think. I want people to give me time to explain before jumping in with advice, information, or correction (particulary the information... I'm growing weary of hearing more information.)

I am the sort of person who processes things by talking, and I am finding that opportunities to share what is on my mind are rare. And, I am also at a stage in my life (as previously stated in a long-ago deleted post) where I am realizing (and admitting) that there is a lot I don't understand. But, I am also trying to find things out, look for my own information, consider inconsistencies in the things I hear/read, get the "whole story" before I settle down on what I think about things. But, for me, processing that stuff means talking... and I can't talk if people don't listen.

Selfish... I know.

Through all of this, Philippians 2:3 comes to mind - considering others better than myself. Then there is also - doing unto others as I would want them to do to me. So, I am taking my frustration in this arena as a reminder that I need to be a better listener. But in the mean time I feel misunderstood... because I have a bunch of stuff "Rattling Around" in my head that no one even knows about.

AND SO...... I guess that is part of the reason for this blog. But, even this falls way short of real conversation.

Perhaps it is unfair to expect such attentiveness from others. Or, maybe this is exactly where God wants me... so I will stop relying on others and start relying on Him to meet this need. He is, of course, a fantastic listener. And, being misunderstood is a non-issue with Him.

It's stuff like this that reminds me how only relationship with God can free me up to be what he wants me to be. Otherwise, I'd be (and am) so preoccupied with getting my needs met that I wouldn't be able to care about anyone else. We love because he first loved us, eh?

Anyway, that's my whining.

The end.


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