Unmistakably Uncool (Part 3): My Blog

We have already established that I am not cool. I would just like to hash out the myriad uncool things about my blog - for two reasons. 1) because they may offer some insight into me, and 2) because this may help me flesh out some changes I am considering.

Allow me to list the uncool aspects of my blog (in no particular order.)

1. Improper use of the asterisk.
-Apparently, the cool method for emphasizing words in the blogosphere is to highlight them with asterisks. For example: Does anyone really *read* this blog? I, on the other hand, am still doing what *someone* has decided is the equivalent of *yelling,* by using all caps. Did you hear me? I said ALL CAPS!

***so*** rude.

-I am also aware of some protocol which makes use of the asterisk to mask the names of companies. For example: I buy baby wipes at Tar*get. I don't know why people do this, (using the asterisk I mean, not buying the wipes. Cuz I actually DO buy wipes from Target.)

2. Improper use of the period.
-None of the cool bloggers use the period like I do.... I don't know why. I don't even really know what it means when I do that. But I do it a lot..... If I wanted to be cool I would stop. doing. that.

3. Low picture volume.
-cool bloggers have a picture with just about every post that is related to the theme of the post. Me, on the other hand, I can't get my scanner to work, so that rules out personal pictures. And my computer is so. ridiculously. slow. (I know, I'm such a poser.) So that rules out me sitting and browsing through all the public photos on flick*r.com and finding one that is applicable. (And we don't own a digital camera, which in itself is uncool.... so I am just proving my own point.... in more ways than one.)

4. Lack of comments.
- Some blogs I read have 36 comments on every post. To get 36 comments on any given post, I think I'd have to bribe each of my readers to leave a comment... 9 times. This comment shortage is probably the result of the next 2 uncool characteristics...

5. Lack of a consistent theme.
-One day I am writing about adopting. The next day I am writing about eating chicken. The next day, I am asking people if they prefer writing with black ink or blue. Weird, maybe. But not cool.

6. Lack of groupies.
-(I'll bet there is a word for "groupie" in the blogosphere, but I don't know what it is.) I am the first to admit that I don't read a blog long if it's just about "whatever," especially if the "whatever" isn't particularly thought-provoking. I'm guessing that the thoughts of most people who happen by this blog are not generally provoked. This is because: a) reading about how cute my son is doesn't really get people's minds moving or b) people who link to me from one of my comments at an adoption blog, or a Christian life blog (for examples,) have found that I don't post much new or consistent material regarding topics of their interest.
-This lack of groupies also means that I can't compile a list of links to the fifty or so blog buddies who all read each others' blogs. All cool blogs have a list of fifty or so blog buddies who all read each others' blogs... and leave comments, by the way.

7. Lack of links.
-Let's face it, linking to a picture of a sweatshirt I want isn't exactly a reader's delight.
-And I don't have links to cool stuff in the margins, either... though I am thinking of changing my template to allow for this.

So all of this has me thinking...

Should I add links? Perhaps. A link to the PEZ website would definitely be cool. (Right?)

Should I begin shamelessly plugging my blog? A good thought. Maybe I could even offer a reward to those who leave a comment... just like a coupon... they can redeem it for 1/100 cent!

Should I get a theme? I got it, MY LIFE. Oh, I mean *My life*

Should I stop buying wipes at Target? *Absolutely.* They are MUCH cheaper at Tar*get.