Monday, October 31, 2005

Random

Dear Yahoo! Music:
No, thank you. I do not need a fix of "Shakira." But I'll be sure to turn to you the moment I do.

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The ol' blog is back to is previous status. I don't know how to classify that status, but it has returned to the old days, nonetheless. While in China, there was actually a day when I got over 500 page loads. In one day! This is insane. I have since learned that friends of friends of friends (AKA, complete strangers) were reading the blog, and enjoying pictures of Bao.

Now it's just me. I only get a fraction of those page loads now.

I'm used to it though. It's the same phenomenon that has been happening since the first time I took my first baby to church. Whenever accompanied by a child, I inexplicably become invisible. So, holding Boo's hand, for example, I can walk down a hall and people will pop out of rooms or call after us with "Hi, Ms. Boo!"

Once in a while people catch what they've done and try to correct themselves. It usually happens once we are already ten feet past. They'll say "Oh, Hi to you too, Lori!"

Yeah, yeah.

Even my mom calls more often, now that I have kids. (You cannot deny this, mother.)

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I have instituted a new practice in my spiritual life. I started doing it in China after I had my "breakdown." I was emotionally exhausted in part because of how much effort it took to get any positive responses from Bao. (Normal, of course, but still exhausting when coupled with other things.) There was a part of me that wanted her to love me "just because," and not just when I did something fun. As I was praying this out, I realized that I was guilty of doing to God what Bao had been doing with me. SO...

I started smiling at God. Whenever I thought of it, I would literally look up and give him a big, and probably cheesy, grin. I'm still doing it. I know that God is always doing things for me every moment, but it has become my way of saying "I love you even when I don't see what you are doing." It usually brings to mind a ton of good things he has done for me. And it makes me laugh at having a silly thing between the two of us.

God is good.

And so is my blog... even though no one is reading it any more!

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to find you're back to blogging, I've missed you. You know the grin you're giving God could be like 'pray without ceasing' - not formal, just constant, and a first impulse. Make any sense? I'm forever praying for someone that comes to mind and thanking God for all the 'little things' during the day. Would you want me to bring my digital camera Wednesday night? - you could bring it back at Thursday Bible study. Mary Lou Smith

Mon Oct 31, 04:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Andrea Sands said...

I'm still reading your blog...and thoroughly enjoying it by the way. :) I check it every time I check my email...lol...does that make me some kind of stalker?

Mon Oct 31, 04:38:00 PM  
Blogger Addie said...

I'm still here too. That would be kind of weird though having so many page loads a day and then not much.

You know, your 2 things aren't really so random and they are a bit related. People get excited at overseas adoptions (as they should) and they get excited over cute little babies (as they should) and so mommy's kind of fade into the background and aren't noticed And then we do the same thing with God. We get excited when he does big things but forget him often the rest of the time. Thanks for the reminder to give God smiles. That's an awesome thought!!!

Mon Oct 31, 04:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought recently about how my children just ricochet through life and don't always behave like I would want them to or they are rebellious or just don't understand the lessons of life that I have tried to teach them and so, feeling very frustrated, I prayed about it - asking God how come they just couldn't be the children that I wanted them to be and the ones I have worked so hard to raise in a positive way....then God answered my prayer by telling me "Now you know how I feel - my kids are rebellious and misbehave, too." I guess we can only expect excellence from God and remember that we disappoint him, too. Isn't it great that He loves us in spite of our shortcomings....he created us just the way we are...
By the way, I also check your blog and am disappointed when you have not had time to write....thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Mon Oct 31, 09:41:00 PM  
Blogger Patti said...

So is this pathetic?
I was on the train the other day EXHAUSTED! And when I got about 50 feet away from the empty platform I realized that I had neglected to take my rolly luggage with me. It wouldn;t have been a big deal but I had had an particularly BAD day and I was looking forward to curling up with my suffed animal Doug, who was in the case. I had to take him into the city with me because the script called for a dog.. you get the picture. SO I'm standing in Katonah whining because I'm too tired to cry and I decide to GUN it for the last stop on the train line. 15 miles, 20 minutes. I could have made it but I missed a turn.
Anyway I am literally BEGGING "Please God, don't do this to me. I need Doug. I can't handle a night alone in that big ugly empty stupid house."
LALA I'm nuts.

But something worked cause I got Doug back and slept soundly. Of course after I tanked the Almighty for restoring Doug to his Bestest Friend EVER!

Is that as cheesy as smiling at the sky?

Tue Nov 01, 09:54:00 PM  

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