Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Mother of Three

This post will contain a bit about Ms. Bao, for those of you who were wondering about her status. But really it is about me. This time of the night is just about the only time I get to myself each day, and really, the last thing I want to do is spend it rehashing all of my kids needs for everyone.

I am growing tired of being a need-meeter right now. It's the stage I'm in, and it's okay, but I am so tired. I feel a little like "me" is lost somewhere, and I don't exactly have time, energy, or ability to find her. Too many people around me have needs that they rely on me to meet.

Bao is doing great. Today she accomplished something that she has never done before... she fed herself a cracker. From the very beginning, I found it interesting that she put nothing in her mouth except for her hand, on occasion. Most babies her age won't keep anything out of their mouths! I wondered if maybe she had been trained not to put toys, etc in her mouth. No big deal, but still interesting.

One of the results of that, however, is that whenever we handed her food, she just played with it. I bought her a box of biter biscuits while we were in China, then I thought that was dumb, she'll never put them in her mouth! But, today, she finally got it with a cracker. She hasn't mastered the skill of picking up small objects between her thumb and forefinger, but she is getting better. I think once she has that down, she will be well on her way to feeding herself Cheerios and such. Go, Bao!

As you might imagine, having a nine month old who can't feed herself anything means that "meals" take a while. She can't roll over either. So whenever she tips too far from her seated position, she needs someone to come rescue her. And it isn't like I am really far away because she isn't so into letting me be in another room. That's fine, and even expected. But I feel a little too attached. And I mean that in the physical sense.

Ms. Bao also still needs to be entertained. Since she can't move herself, she needs to be moved into a new position when she gets bored with her present one. And she needs someone to fetch toys that she wants but can't get to. And she will whine until you do. The problem with her whine is that is doesn't sound much different from her happy noises, so you have to actually look at her face to determine her mood. (The added problem for me is that she ALWAYS sounds like she is whining, even when she isn't!)

The amount of time that I spend tending to Bao is not really meeting with a lot of approval from Boo and Bug. Add to this that Boo spent the day telling me she felt like she was going to throw up. (She never did throw up, but she voluntarily took a nap, and ate hardly anything. These are pretty good signs she is sick... and her 101.9 fever tonight confirmed it.) I think Bao might also be getting sick. Her temp was slightly elevated before bed tonight. So, basically, there are a lot of needy kids hanging around.

Today when Paul came home, I was a zombie. Bug had been up since 6:20 and I had not a single break all day.

And I keep wondering when I am going to get the grocery shopping done. Halloween last night, Paul had a meeting at church tonight. Wednesday evening services, Thursday is parent teacher conferences for Paul. Forget about getting out of the house for a break, I gotta go extra crazy just so I can - what? - make sure that my family has food to eat.

I don't know how I am supposed to do all of this. And sometimes I wish there was another mortal who would make a priority of meeting my needs. But, alas, I think I am that person. So, when Paul came home today, he took the kids for a walk. As he was leaving, he asked if I could make a phone call to MCI to straighten out a bill.

Already on my way to the bedroom, I said "no" and got right in my bed.

And that's where I am headed now.



Anonymous mom a said...

sounds like you are gaining in your respect for YOU

Wed Nov 02, 01:12:00 AM  
Blogger Addie said...

WOW you really need a break! Which is totally to be expected. I'll be praying for a support group to come around you and hold you up in the weeks and months ahead. It would be great if someone could go to the store for you or help you with some laundry.

You really need to get yourself a wife! :) Take care of yourself PEZmama. I'm praying for you!!!

Wed Nov 02, 03:04:00 PM  

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