Saturday, September 02, 2006

Does this only happen at my house?

We have been needing to replace the window dressings on the big living room window for a long time. What we had there were the plastic vertical blinds that came with the house. I am not a fan of vertical blinds, particularly plastic ones. But, I am even less a fan of expensive replacements for window treatments.

But, the kids had broken off so many of those blinds that, when fully closed, they only covered the outer two-thirds of the window. So, it really was time to do something about this. And, having gone to a friend's house the other night, I decided that I liked her idea for window coverings because a) it looked nice, and b) it was much cheaper than what I had in mind.

So, last night after dinner, I shuffled off to Big Lots where I found exactly what I was looking for (I also found my son standing in the middle of an aisle with a puddle of urine around his feet, but that is another story entirely.) After Big Lots we all made a quick stop at a store where their drapery hardware was on sale, and we had everything we needed.

Or so we thought.

This morning I began taking the hardware from the vertical blinds off the wall. There were four brackets, each of which, when removed from the wall, left a) a mark on the wall where the paint underneath was a different color, and b) two screw holes.

So, I needed spackle to fill the holes. I searched around for the spackle, but couldn't find it. When Paul got home he informed me that it had dried up and he'd thrown it out.

SO...I told Paul that I needed to go to the store to get spackle and a small can of paint. He said, "buy a gallon of paint."

This comment launched us into a discussion which included, but was not limited to: a) how, if we were going to buy paint, we might as well buy the big can (which is a better deal) and use the rest to repaint the entire living room, b) how, if we did repaint the living room, I didn't want to paint it white, thankyouverymuch, c) how we could use the extra paint on the trim, d) that the trim needs to be replaced and do we really want to repaint it or just get new trim, e) whether the pre-painted trim they sell at the home store is really pre-painted or just pre-primed, f) how the new front door we're thinking of buying plays into the decorating scheme.

These are all very necessary topics of discussion when you are about to hang curtains. Very. Necessary.

After this conversation, I looked at my husband, and I said, "I need you to give me direction." He instructed me to buy spackle and a small can of paint (If this sounds exactly like what I had originally planned, then you are right. But let's give him some credit. He was not, after all, aware that I didn't want to repaint the living room white.)

So off I went to pick up my purchases at ridiculously-overpriced-small-town-hardware-store, because HAVE MERCY ;) I thought I would have my curtains hung twenty minutes ago, and I was not about to spend the next twenty minutes driving to the H0me Dep0t.

When I came home, I quickly patched up all eight screw holes (and stored the spackle upside down, as per the tip from the guy at the hardware store, so that it wouldn't dry up as quickly.) And I painted over the ugly spots.

And I got one curtain on the rod so I could figure out how high to mount the rod so as to avoid hemming the curtains.

And I broke the little glass knob off the end of the rod.

And I measured for the brackets.

And we hung the brackets. (And I will spare you having to read the entire subset of drill bit/anchor/screw/stud location craziness that ensued at this point.)

And I glued the knob back together.

And I tried to put the other curtains on the rod.

And I realized that I put the first one of four on backward, even thought I was SPECIFICALLY TRYING NOT TO DO THAT VERY THING!

And I rehung the curtains on the rod.

And I went to screw the broken knob back on the rod and found that the screw end had disappeared somewhere inside the rod.

And I spent a few minutes consulting with Paul about how we could fix it.

And I finally got the screw out and the knob on.

And the curtains hung.

And got the dust from the new holes we drilled all vacuumed up.

And got Bethany down for her nap, an hour late.

And then I decided that we really DID need those holdbacks that I THOUGHT about buying last night, but decided not to.

So I went to the store and purchased the holdbacks while today was still Saturday, because they won't be on sale next week.

And then we went to a friend's house for dinner, (yes, it was DINNER TIME when I got done with this ridiculousness) so I didn't get the holdbacks mounted.

And all I can think is...

...GOOD NIGHT NURSE ;) how do I always succeed at making things so much more difficult than they really need to be?

But, if hanging those holdbacks is anywhere near the ordeal that the curtains were, I PROMISE, I won't post about it.


Blogger BooMama said...

Well this is just hysterical.

I love when Sassy McLori comes out to play. :-)

And this post, my friend, is SASSSSSSSY!

The "puddle of urine" line made me laugh out loud.

Sun Sep 03, 09:01:00 AM  
Blogger Barb said...

No, no, no! You HAVE to post about hanging the holdbacks. Because this was so funny, I'm already anticipating the sequel.

Sun Sep 03, 05:02:00 PM  
Blogger Kili @ Live Each Moment said...

I loved that post. YES that happens all the time to me. *sigh* I'm only sighing because I'm tired and if that had been my day yesterday...I would have cried!

Sun Sep 03, 05:28:00 PM  
Blogger theresa said...

Where is the picture?? If it's any consolation, we have gone thru this umpteen times at our house. Hence, the reason why the girl's 'bug curtains' are no longer hanging in the playroom. Why is this task so hard I'll never know?

There is always something like, wrong screws, hung to high, not in a stud, need dry-wall anchors, no drill, blah, blah, blah!

BTW - Big Lots is one of my all-time FAVORITE stores. I'm glad they are finally hung...and I'm sure they look gorgeous! :)

Mon Sep 04, 12:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Cup-a-Joe said...

Oh my!!! I laughed so much that I almost had a "puddle of urine" moment myself!
(I must say, that everyone here at Panera is looking at me like I am insane for laughing out loud.)

As the handyman of the house, all of those annoying/frustrating tasks fall to me to accomplish. My Honey-Bunches at one point called the problems that happen, part of the "Miller process."

I like to see that Paul has managed to escape the husband=handyman arithmatic. You go man!

Tue Sep 05, 06:45:00 AM  
Blogger Shalee said...

Yes. Unfortunately that does happen to me too. But the puddle of urine is usually me, wetting myself from laughing at the stupidity of it all, well mainly just the stupidity of me. But that usually only happens at home.

And may I compliment you on the excellent use of your phrase of exclamation. GNN was most fittingly used!

Wed Sep 06, 11:14:00 AM  
Blogger Blessed Beyond Measure said...

I figure any time we start a home project, get ready for about 5 trips to the hardware store. I try not to laugh at my husband as he keeps coming and asking for the checkbook, or as he grabs his wallet to head out again. So if its any comfort, I think we all have this tendency to take something very small and turn it into a weekend project. Even when it's just hanging a curtain. We're in the middle of painting about 5-6 rooms, all the same color and good grief does it make a mess. So I'd definitely vote against the painting if you have a choice.

Thu Sep 07, 01:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Heather said...

That sounds exactly like our household, except that when I go to drill I remember that our 50 year old house has plaster that is more like cement which has broken more drill bits thana I like to remember which is why I was avoiding hanging anything in the first place and end up going out and getting shower curtain rods because it is so much simpler.

Sat Jan 27, 09:48:00 PM  

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