Tuesday, November 21, 2006

If you don't like Attitude, don't read this.

I am sending you some mail.

Forwarding it, actually.

Why?

Well, because I have your address. And I can.

But don't worry. I know you will LOVE it. I just know you will.

Here is a glimpse of what you might get:

Oh, you don't have kids? That's okay. I don't care. There are some REALLY CUTE pictures in here. No one should miss out.
















Here, here's one we really like at our house:

I know you're single, but you're on my address list, and I can't really be bothered to take you out of the loop. This is a mass mailing, you know, and I don't have time for that.

How about this one?
It's one of our favorites. I know some of you aren't Christians, but we love this one so much, how could I possibly keep it from you?

And let's not forget these:

You will be getting a LOT of those, my friend. I know you could find these offers for yourself, but I want to send it to you. I wouldn't want you to miss out.

Oh, wait, you've GOT to see this one. This is one you are SURE to like, even if you don't find the others interesting.

You have never actually TOLD me you like quilting, but if you are ANYTHING like me, I just know you do. I just KNOW it.

Oh, oh, OH! And what home would be complete without THIS?

Trust me, you'll actually be THANKING me for this one... not that I am ever going to ask you what you think about all this mail, mind you.

Before you ask who else might be getting all of this mail, let me assure you that I have that covered. I am planning on sending a copy of my mailing list with every piece I send you. That way you'll know everyone who has been blessed with the same mail, and you can even contact them if you want. Of course, this makes it so easy for YOU if you want to forward the mail after you have finished enjoying it. Because then all you have to do is add your mailing list to mine. Soon, if enough people keep forwarding the mail (though I prefer to call it "sharing the joy") everyone on the planet will know who got this piece of mail! Isn't that fantastic? Kinda makes us feel like one big, happy family doesn't it... all without EVER asking our recipients, "how are you?" or "what's going on in your life?" (or having to listen to their answers. Gaaah!)

I can't imagine why you would, but if you ask me to stop forwarding this stuff, I'll simply tell you "if you don't want it, you can just throw it out," and act like you are being ungrateful and rude.

I mean, you GAVE me your address, for goodness sake.

Just don't tell Heather, okay? (She's one of those overly sensitive types.)

Labels:

4 Comments:

Blogger BooMama said...

I like me some attitude. :-)

Tue Nov 21, 07:57:00 PM  
Blogger Brenda said...

I wouldn't mind the Quilting mag, but please don't send me the others. :o)

Tue Nov 21, 08:51:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

bawahahaha! ;) love ya!

Hey, FYI - today was the FIRST day I've ever NOT had forwarded email in my inbox. It's a victory! - My mom says it's because I've scared everyone!

Tue Nov 21, 11:02:00 PM  
Blogger Luisa Perkins said...

This was such an excellent post. I wish you could publish it somehow. I HATE forwarded mail!

Sat Mar 31, 11:08:00 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home