Sunday, July 15, 2007

On My Mind

God works on me. Shows me little pieces. Gives me glimpses of Himself. Of me. Of our future.

Shifting focus.

Stuff that was painful to even think about in the not so distant past, is becoming comfortable. Not because life is any easier to deal with, but because I have a greater sense of God's faithfulness to me. I'm beginning to believe that doing what is harder with God is infinitely better than opting for the deception of comfort outside of his presence. And the beginning of belief is where the living of a life starts to change.

There is a lot to this life thing. It often overwhelms me. I am fearful by nature. And I like control. Tonight, everything feels out of whack.

What I love about God is that he is teaching me in this very place. Not just to trust Him. It's more than that. He is teaching me to change. Can't I love you without changing? I ask him.

No, is his gentle reply.

I spoke with someone recently about the nature of humans to balk at the commands of God. We don't like being bossed around. But what I reminded this person is that God's ways are always good for us. He is always for us. I mused that maybe if we really, really understood that, we'd be more likely to obey him, even when it is hard.

My own words have been echoing in my head.

I recognize in others the veneer of faith-talk that barely disguises a life lived only for self. I recognize it because that is often how I operate. I understand his words. They even stir me emotionally. But too many times, I am unwilling to live them out. Unwilling to get over myself enough to let God change me for my own good.

Is it too hard, or is it just too scary?

I almost don't care anymore. Because I think I like His version of Lori better than my own.



Blogger Jenna said...

Lori, This is beautifully expressed. I am learning the very same lessons about God. It took a painful divorce and years of personal anguish, but the trials softened me to God's wisdom and love in ways that I would not have learned through ease. I hope that during this life I can learn to love as perfectly as he does.

Mon Jul 16, 12:13:00 AM  
Blogger Melzie said...

Love this post, its a mirror for me also. Good luck to both of us :) xoxo melzie

Mon Jul 16, 07:56:00 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

Great post. Great for Monday morning. Great for me to read.

Mon Jul 16, 09:06:00 AM  
Blogger Luisa Perkins said...

The trust is the hardest part, isn't it? As always, it's lovely of you to share yourself with us.

Mon Jul 16, 10:20:00 PM  
Blogger Noodle said...

I needed this. Thank you.

Tue Jul 17, 09:46:00 AM  

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