Let me break this down for you

I just need to get this off my chest.

What follows is the text of an e-mail that I have received twice now. It is the type that I normally delete without even reading, but I thought I might open this one just to prove a point. (My commentary appears in red.)

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And, please let me know the exact time you read this. It is mystical--honest (mystical, eh? so are unicorns. But I'm sure you meant "mystical" in the you-can-trust-it sort of way.)

This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, he saw me, and he asked:My child, what is your greatest wish for today? (Why on earth would anyone need to open a window in order to see something? That's just stupid. But even so, the Lord isn't hindered from seeing us at any time. If you don't believe me, please see Job 31:4, or Psalm 139:7-12)

I responded:"Lord please; take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends.They deserve it and I love them very much" (Really? Seriously? That was your GREATEST wish for today? Well, I am flattered. But I don't believe you. Here's why... because these e-mails are the only communication we have with each other. And, I'm thinking that if you really wanted me to be taken care of, you would, maybe come over and hang out with me when I am losing my sanity. Or help with the laundry. Or maybe just call and ask if there was anything I needed. And it's not about deserving it. I don't. I'm just saying that if you really love me that much, you could find a better way to show it than by forwarding an e-mail that someone else wrote.)

The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but Not its end. (That's very poetic, but what, exactly, does this mean? I can't see the beginning or the end of anything that is infinite.)

This message works on the day you receive it. (Works? I'm confused. Is the message going to do the laundry for me? And, I don't know who is going to do the work, but I know that God's timetable isn't like ours, so I don't know how you can guarantee this.)

To some it may sound dumb, (yes) but the person who sent this to me was impressed with its timing. (So?) Let us see if it is true. (What, see if WHAT is true? Dude, you need to take another writing class, cuz you are all over the place, here.) ANGELS EXIST, but sometimes, since they don't all have wings we call them FRIENDS, SUCH AS YOU. (Okay, you need a course in angelology too. Yes, angels DO exist. But I'M NOT ONE OF THEM!)

Pass this on to your true friends. (I am flattered to be considered your friend. But, let me give you a heads up on what is NOT cool to do to your friends. Adding their e-mail address to something that will soon be forwarded to a bunch of strangers is, um, not so nice. But, I suppose I could be wrong here, so I'll make you a deal: You forward my e-mail address to strangers, and I will go write your phone number on a couple hundred public bathroom stalls. That sounds like a fair deal, now doesn't it?)

SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY AT 11:11 IN THE EVENING. (Yeah, that would be SLEEPING, for most people.) SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR.THIS IS NOT A JOKE; (Oh, I'm not laughing.) SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU BY PHONE OR WILL SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE WAITING TO HEAR. (And if they don't?) DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN. (And, if I do?) SEND IT TO A MINIMUM OF 4 PEOPLE. (Um. No.)

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My point: pseudo-religious garbage is neither encouraging, nor biblically sound. If you are a Christian, I implore you not to send this garbage to people. If you want to let them know you love them, then go DO it.