Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Let me break this down for you

I just need to get this off my chest.

What follows is the text of an e-mail that I have received twice now. It is the type that I normally delete without even reading, but I thought I might open this one just to prove a point. (My commentary appears in red.)

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And, please let me know the exact time you read this. It is mystical--honest (mystical, eh? so are unicorns. But I'm sure you meant "mystical" in the you-can-trust-it sort of way.)

This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, he saw me, and he asked:My child, what is your greatest wish for today? (Why on earth would anyone need to open a window in order to see something? That's just stupid. But even so, the Lord isn't hindered from seeing us at any time. If you don't believe me, please see Job 31:4, or Psalm 139:7-12)

I responded:"Lord please; take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends.They deserve it and I love them very much" (Really? Seriously? That was your GREATEST wish for today? Well, I am flattered. But I don't believe you. Here's why... because these e-mails are the only communication we have with each other. And, I'm thinking that if you really wanted me to be taken care of, you would, maybe come over and hang out with me when I am losing my sanity. Or help with the laundry. Or maybe just call and ask if there was anything I needed. And it's not about deserving it. I don't. I'm just saying that if you really love me that much, you could find a better way to show it than by forwarding an e-mail that someone else wrote.)

The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but Not its end. (That's very poetic, but what, exactly, does this mean? I can't see the beginning or the end of anything that is infinite.)

This message works on the day you receive it. (Works? I'm confused. Is the message going to do the laundry for me? And, I don't know who is going to do the work, but I know that God's timetable isn't like ours, so I don't know how you can guarantee this.)

To some it may sound dumb, (yes) but the person who sent this to me was impressed with its timing. (So?) Let us see if it is true. (What, see if WHAT is true? Dude, you need to take another writing class, cuz you are all over the place, here.) ANGELS EXIST, but sometimes, since they don't all have wings we call them FRIENDS, SUCH AS YOU. (Okay, you need a course in angelology too. Yes, angels DO exist. But I'M NOT ONE OF THEM!)

Pass this on to your true friends. (I am flattered to be considered your friend. But, let me give you a heads up on what is NOT cool to do to your friends. Adding their e-mail address to something that will soon be forwarded to a bunch of strangers is, um, not so nice. But, I suppose I could be wrong here, so I'll make you a deal: You forward my e-mail address to strangers, and I will go write your phone number on a couple hundred public bathroom stalls. That sounds like a fair deal, now doesn't it?)

SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY AT 11:11 IN THE EVENING. (Yeah, that would be SLEEPING, for most people.) SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR.THIS IS NOT A JOKE; (Oh, I'm not laughing.) SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU BY PHONE OR WILL SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE WAITING TO HEAR. (And if they don't?) DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN. (And, if I do?) SEND IT TO A MINIMUM OF 4 PEOPLE. (Um. No.)

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My point: pseudo-religious garbage is neither encouraging, nor biblically sound. If you are a Christian, I implore you not to send this garbage to people. If you want to let them know you love them, then go DO it.

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12 Comments:

Blogger BooMama said...

FWD:Fw:FW:fwd:FWD:FW:Fw:

Will you address THAT next? ;-)

How do I love this post? Let me count the ways....

Thu Jun 08, 09:31:00 AM  
Blogger Addie said...

There used to be a cartoon video parody on the internet that had to do with these e-mails. It was very funny, but I can't find it anymore. Anyway, my favorite line from it was, "If God wanted to talk to me, I believe he would cause the bushes in my front yard to burst into flames before he would fill up my e-mail inbox with this."

I don't get why people send this junk to others anymore. Loved your response! "Is the message going to do the laundry for me?" cute. :-)

Thu Jun 08, 10:11:00 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

My favorite? The ones that end in, "If you really Love Jesus...you'll keep this going." Yeah, right. Great post!!!

Thu Jun 08, 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger sarahgrace said...

Bravo! Bravo! I couldn't agree more!!!


As a side note- what is up with Blogger today?! I had to wade through some high water just to post a silly little comment...

Thu Jun 08, 04:27:00 PM  
Anonymous mom a said...

I think you should reply to these things by just sending them back wherever they came from.

Thu Jun 08, 09:49:00 PM  
Blogger PEZmama said...

sarahgrace - thanks for enduring blogger just to make a comment. Something has been up for a few days. I've been having trouble posting pictures and sometimes can't post at all.

Typepad, anyone?

Thu Jun 08, 10:07:00 PM  
Blogger Shalee said...

I tried to leave a message yesterday, but Blogger is PMSing! Just. Won't. Cooperate!

All that to say, I hear you sister. It is just so annoying.

Plus, if it tells me that I have to do something, I delete it out of spite. But that's just me.

Fri Jun 09, 03:15:00 PM  
Blogger Brenda said...

I love this post! I posted a similar one here, but I don't think my spammers got the point. Probably because they don't read my blog - ha! There is nothing more annoying than having your inbox spammed with this kind of drivel from friends and family, especially Christians.

Sat Jun 10, 12:18:00 PM  
Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

I'm with you, I HATE those schmarmy religious emails! Yuck, and double yuck. Thanks for writing this post; I feel its cathartic effects! :)

Sat Jun 10, 06:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Cup-a-Joe said...

If you would like to be mean and dismissive (not the best options I admit) you can reply and put Unsubscribe in the subject line.

Ok, I did this once and hurt someone's feelings, and we both felt bad about it, but at the moment, it felt so good...

Sun Jun 11, 11:31:00 AM  
Blogger Patti said...

I just got that "God said no" one about how some random person asks God for all this stuff and he just keeps saying no, I'll give you this and the rest is up to you. Which is fine (and almost inspiring) but at the end it read: "If you believe in God send this to..." What? Now, instead of going to church, praying, studying or fully entering into a religion with some sort of ceremony, you too can be a spiritual person by simply clicking your forward button. It's Religion for Dummies 2006 Edition. Get your copy today. Check your inbox.

Sun Jun 11, 08:23:00 PM  
Blogger Minnie said...

Amen, Amen, AMEN!!!!!

Mon Jun 12, 04:10:00 PM  

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