Monday, June 28, 2004

Too much to think about

I have been thinking about so much stuff lately, but I just don't seem to have the time to get any blogging done. Plus, my parents are in town this week, so it's not a priority right now anyway. But, here are the things I am thinking about lately. I need to write them down so I will remember what they were once I get back to regular blogging:
- beheadings in Iraq
- Sudan
- God's heart for the world and how that relates to Christians in America
- politics/upcoming elections
- health care
- One God, who is Jesus, who is the Truth. How the belief in "one God" and "one way" is the only way NOT to put God in a box, and the ramifications of believing in "whatever works for you."

On a more personal note, I have adoption on my mind. Some of you already know this, but Paul and I have decided to adopt our next child, most likely from China. I waited to post this because I wanted to tell my parents in person, since it is, in many ways, like announcing a pregnancy. When I found out they were coming, I decided I wouldn't publish it here so they could hear it from us in person.

But, now that they know, I think I could probably go on for days with all the thoughts I have related to this. Most of these thoughts are pretty weighty, since I really have no idea what we are in for. But, it was fun on Saturday, when I told someone and she just got totally excited for us. I just smiled and said "yeah, I am excited too." My parents seemed excited too, which I truly appreciate. A few people have not been so excited in their responses, which is disappointing, though not totally unexpected.

Right now we are trying to decide on what agency we will use. The Chinese adoption requirements are that a family makes $10,000 per family member (including the adopted child) in order be accepted to adopt. We don't make $50,000, so we contacted 4 agencies to ask if this would even be possible. Two said no, and two said it was possible. At that point I wondered if we needed to adopt from elsewhere. But, honestly, the thought of adopting from somewhere else just makes me want to cry!

SO, I am sorting through that now. I am wondering: Did I get ahead of God and set my heart on something that God did not want for us (and now he is closing that door...) or should I take this desire as evidence that this is what he wants. (He does, after all, give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4)) I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, but I am praying about it nonetheless. Proceeding with an adoption from China will, however, require a bit of trust that God can accomplish this despite our lack of income.

Of course this whole process will be a walk of faith in many ways. Even now faith is required, since we have no idea how we will pay for all of this. Of course some may think this is terribly irresponsible, but I just don't think that God leaves people without the resources they need to obey his word. And his word does say to look after orphans and widows (James 1:27) Frankly, it excites me that we DON'T know how this will come to fruition because it is an opportunity to rely on God and see him go great things - things only he can do.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
- Ephesians 3:20-21

No, indeed. I am not even the least bit worried about the money. All I can do is think of what she will look like, imagine the first time we get to see her, feel sad for her, knowing that she will have to leave a safe, familiar environment when she comes to live with us, and wonder if that will scare her... and on and on and on...

Yeah... I am already some baby's new mom. And I am excited!



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