A few weeks ago I asked Mr. Bug to pick up one of his toys that was in the middle of the kitchen floor. He didn't. Then I explained to him that if he was not willing to put his toys where they belong, I would have to throw them out.
You know what that turkey said?
"You can frow it out, mom." And then he walked away.
So, naturally, I threw it out.
But it pained me. If it was some silly McDonald's toy I wouldn't have cared. Or even if it was another one of his "stand alone" toys, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash. But this was not a stand alone. This toy was just one piece to a larger toy. And now, in my mind, that toy is forever ruined. He can never put the whole toy together again.
And I don't like this.
Lest you think this is just another one of those "weird things about me" posts, I should tell you that I had always had a reason to be picky about keeping pieces to sets. They make the toy more likely to sell at a garage sale.
And I say that I HAD a reason. Because, while it may be true that "complete" toys will sell at a garage sale, I have made up my mind that we won't be selling much of our stuff anymore. At least never enough to make an entire garage sale. The reasoning is simple: almost all of the stuff we have has been given to us. 95% of the kids' toys and probably a greater percentage of their clothes have been given to us. Something just doesn't feel right to me about selling stuff that was given to us. So, if we are going to get rid of it, we are going to give it to someone else.
And the only reason I mention this is to say that I no longer have my standard reason for wanting to keep toy sets intact. So why did it bother me so much to throw out that toy?
Well, I didn't think much about it until yesterday when my kids went to a birthday party where there was a pinata. The last time I was at a party with Ms. Boo where there was a pinata, I had to push her into the swarming mass of kids to try and get her to put some candy in her bag. She was kind of timid.
I figured the same thing would happen again. But, I was tending to Bao, so I was not able to give her any gentle shoves.
As it turns out, Boo has wised up quite a bit since I last saw her collect pinata treats.
She came back with a favor bag FULL of candy. "Look mom! Look at all the candy I got."
And my only thought was
we'll just add that to all the Easter candy...
Then, Bug came bounding up, with the same joyful expression and thrust his bag into my hands. With that high-pitched voice he reserves for moments of sheer excitement, he said, "look what I got mom!"
I looked in the bag to find a whopping three pieces of candy.
I gave Bug the same expressions of excitement that I gave to Boo. But inside, my heart felt sad. Why?
He was the littlest one there. Could it be he got pushed around a little? Then again, he is sort of in his own world most of the time, maybe he just didn't get clued in fast enough. Either way, I felt so sad. Sad that my son didn't get more stuff.
Though I have seen the opposite to be true in my own life, I think that when it comes to my kids, I have bought into the lie that they won't be happy unless they have enough stuff. And when it comes to that toy - he would never remember the toy again if it had been a "stand alone" toy. But somehow I am believing that he will be so disappointed the next time he wants to put that whole toy together, only to realize that he can't. I think this is one of the things that makes me want to hold on to stupid stuff.
The interesting thing is, Bug was playing with that toy the other day and didn't seem to notice that a piece was missing. And you know what? He didn't know any better that he did not have as much candy as everyone else. He was just excited to have what he got. (And Boo has been happily sharing hers.) Yet when I should have been overjoyed that he was content, I was sad for him.
And frazzled too. Because in addition to candy we had masks and blowers to bring home as favors. And I found myself almost frantic over the thought of one of them leaving without their stuff. Because I knew they'd get home and be upset if they didn't have it. But instead of helping them to develop some basic coping skills and "get over it," I would only know how to be sad for them too! So, because I can't help them deal, I make the problem worse by teaching them that they should be frantically chasing after their stuff. This way I don't have any upset kids to deal with. (Does that makes sense?)
Now, I am not a major lover of stuff in general. Clothes, shoes, home decor, TVs, stereos, cars... none of them have allured me to any great degree. But that doesn't mean that I am totally free from "stuff love." I also don't know how to teach my kids to be content with less stuff, and to hold on loosely to what they have.
Any advice out there?
Labels: Kids, Muddlehood