I'm CRAAAAAAANky

This week started out fine and then took a downturn on Wednesday.

I feel completely deflated, dejected, demoralized, and any other "de" word you can think of. Except for maybe delicious. I don't feel delicious.

Mostly, I just wanted to scream, "I'm TRYING, but does anyone care about ME?"

In all honesty, PMS may have been a major player. (And getting major-er as the years go by, I might add. What is with that?)

I wonder, though, because it is just my nature to get into a funk. This is the funk where you feel like everything you have ever learned needs to be unlearned, and you have to learn something new in its place. Everything.

And every improvement you try to make is met with R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N. Take, for example, my attempts to get up early this week. I know that I need my time in the Word. And I am at the point where I can't stand all my stupid excuses any more. And I know that getting up before the kids to get my day started with God ALWAYS makes things go more smoothly.

So, I set my alarm for 7 am. Not that early, but earlier than Bethany, who is my earliest riser. I figured 7 was a good time because she never gets up before 7:30. On the first day that I got up, I didn't hear Bethany cry until I was on the very last verse of my reading. But it was still "too early." When I went to get her, she had a pretty bad nose bleed, and I was off and running.

That was the last time I was able to read before the kids got up. Bethany woke up at 6:40 the next morning. She sorta went back to sleep... in my bed... but it was the kind of sleep that was more like "I am ready to get up so if you move, I'm coming with you."

And the next day she was in bed with me because she would not go back to sleep in the middle of the night and I was too tired to deal with it. So, when the alarm went off, she stirred and was back in the "awake enough" mode of the day before. I tried getting out of the bed by moving my body one centimeter at a time, but the kid isn't stupid, and she was not going to let me walk out without her.

This is just one example. I feel like I try. Then I feel like, why do I try?

I'm tired of my lame attempts at living the Christian life. I am tired of my short temper. I am tired of my selfish attitude. I am tired of my poor housekeeping. I am tired of my impatient parenting.

I know all those things need to change. And I want them too. But I just can't seem to make any headway. And I think I am tired of that most of all.

90 Day Reading Reflections

The 90 Day Bible reading has been going well for me. I am reading a ton of Scripture and I'm enjoying it. As I read, I have found that I have so many questions. It troubles me because it seems to imply that there is so much of God that I do not understand. I am struck with how little I "get" him, and it sorta makes wonder, because I thought I knew him better.

All of this has brought to mind an experience from my college days which seems to illustrate my thoughts well. Allow me to explain.

In the spring of 1995, the majority of my time was devoted to my student teaching at Springfield North High School. What little time was left after school and lesson planning was divided up between sleeping, eating, and sending out resumes. Not too many interviews actually happened, which is okay, I guess, since I didn't really have a lot of time for them. But when the opportunity to interview presented itself, I always took it given the fact that I wanted to, you know, work after I graduated. It didn't really matter too much whether the school was one I wanted to work at. There just weren't a lot of jobs to choose from.

I found myself leaving my students early one day so that I could make it to an interview at the local Catholic high school. Was it my dream job? No. But it was a job. It was also my first interview aside from the recruiters who came to campus from districts around Ohio.

I've never liked interviewing, and I think I have realized, looking back, that I wasn't very good at it either. (Which one caused the other, I don't know.) This particular interview was being conducted by the principal of the high school, a friendly priest. He'd asked his assitant prinicpal to join him; a nun whom I remember to be sort of gruff.

I have absolutely no recollection of what we discussed in that interview - except for the one question that the nun asked me. She said, "if you were going to conduct a lesson on Atomic Theory, how would you go about it?"

My immediate thought was, this question is totally unfair. I don't know if that's true, but that's how it seemed to me. I'd spend HOURS every day planning lessons for my student teaching. A lesson plan to me meant: what kind of strategies will I use to teach for understanding, how will I evaluate, what teaching method is best suited for different learners, how will I connect this to real life... How could I possibly come up with a lesson plan capable of impressing someone enough to want to hire me, on the fly?

Besides that, I was a SENIOR chemistry major. Had she asked me to explain the intricacies of gas chromatography, I would have been very comfortable. But she asked me about something I'd covered more than three years earlier in a small section of a single chapter, when I was a freshman in general chemistry. It was a standard topic for a high school student, but I'd have to reach waaaaaaaaay back for this one.

I paused. And this is what went through my head...

Who was the Atomic Theory guy? Dalton? I think that was his name. What was his first name? Charles? Okay, if you aren't sure, don't say the first name, just say "Dalton." Ha, Ha. Like this matters anyway. She's asking about Atomic Theory because it is the only important sounding term she can think of. Everybody who had high school chemistry remembers there was this thing called "Atomic Theory," but she doesn't have any clue. Alright, so, don't make stuff up, but whatever you do, sound confident.

I spewed out something about Dalton, speaking his name confidently, even though I was unsure at that point if even THAT was the right name. I wanted to talk specifics, but I just couldn't create a lesson that fast in my head. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I remember thinking that, while the answer didn't satisfy ME, it probably sounded just fine to someone who certainly wouldn't have known any better.

After the interview, I toured the school with the friendly priest. Just the two of us. He showed me the lab. Us science teachery folk get real excited about nice labs. You sorta start picturing yourself doing demos and labs and such and it gets you a bit dreamy. It was a nice lab, so I started to get excited.

Then friendly priest said of the papers piled in the room, "These belong to (gruff nun.) She has been teaching chemistry here for many years, but will be devoting herself full-time to the assistant principal role. You will be replacing her."

I looked at friendly priest man, and said something very clever like "Oh, that's great," which was code for "no. No I won't be replacing her. Because when you go back to your office, she will be waiting for you, and you don't know this yet, but she is going to tell you that I am totally clueless about even the most elementary of concepts from high school chemistry."

The next day, I told my two co-operating teachers at North High School about the incomplete, and utterly lame answer I'd given to the atomic theory question. They assured me that it wasn't that bad. But I knew better.... and the friendly priest did not call to offer me the job.

What does all this have to do with reading the Bible?

In a lot of ways, this 90 Day reading experience has been just like that interview all over again. I know there are things I know about Scripture, and I know there are things that I don't know. By reading the Bible at this pace, one thing I have come to realize is that I take what I do know for granted - as if it makes up for what I don't know. In the mean time, I sort of just gloss over the stuff I don't understand. Maybe I've just been thinking "After all, who is going to know the difference?"

The answer, as it turns out, is that God knows the difference. Though he is nothing like a gruff nun to me, he is certainly aware of where my understanding is faulty, and he is aware that most of the time I don't even realize it. I just slide on by, forgetting, I guess, that he knows.

Yet, he knows. And what he has shown me in just the first seven books of the Bible is that my understanding of him is at best incomplete, and at worst utterly lame. He's gracious to me, no doubt. He does not scorn. I don't feel, as was the case with the interview, like running away and hiding. Rather, by his grace, I am sure, it makes me want to pursue him more. It makes me want to seek him out, sit at his feet, and let him teach me. It makes me want to stop using what I do know as a crutch for not understanding more. The harder stuff - the "huh? what is THAT about, God?" stuff; the stuff that doesn't have a simple answer.

I guess I have realized that, when there is something of God that I don't understand, I have been coming up with lame answers and assuming he doesn't know any better. This study has really brought that to light because I am seeing, over and over, how God doesn't always fit into my understanding of him.

All in all, I have been shown that I have treated God a lot like I did that nun... the way I laughed her off in an effort to comfort myself into believing that my knowledge was good enough the way it was. Dangerous thinking, even when it's just a nun who knows her chemistry.

But when it's God? I'm completely humbled.

Lord,

I confess my self-righteous attitude toward you. I confess that I have taken you for granted and that, in my meager understanding of you, I have made much less of you than who you really are. Please forgive me for this. And forgive me for acting like you'd never know any better.

You don't fit the mold I've made for you, and you aren't supposed to. Please remind me of this, and give me wisdom and understanding. Enlarge my thoughts of you, my understanding of you, my love for you, and my reverence for you.

Please show me who you are in all of your godness. Please remind me that fooling myself about who you are will never be good for me, and it will prevent me from knowing you for who you really are. Don't ever let me try to make you fit my mold again. Though I may act like that's what I want, it's not truly the desire of my heart.

Whatever it means for you to be God, please be that to me. Even if I don't undestand it, help me to accept it and to turn to you for the wisdom to understand. Yes, please be God to me - not the one I make up, not the one I am vaguely familiar with, but The Real One, whoever that ends up being.

Oh, Yes I DID: Part II

I got a lot of comments during the tour of homes about my PEZ dispensers. I get a lot of that when people come to my home in real life too. It is kind of, well, odd. But anybody who knows me knows that I have this goofy PEZ collection. (And some of the people who know me have even been involved in an elaborate plot to free said dispensers when they were kidnapped and held for ransom... but that is another story for another time.)

But, the people who know me in real life almost all know one other little PEZzy detail that you in blogdom don't. So, in light of all the comments the dispensers garnered last week, and the fact that Paul and I just celebrated our seventh anniversary, I thought I'd let you all in on that last little detail.

The cake topper from our wedding cake:



Oh, yes I did.

And the only thing that would have made it more cheesy would be if I had adorned it with teeny-tiny flashing lights.

Oh, wait, I DID THAT TOO!

In my ongoing battle against clutter in my home, I have decided that I would try to participate in "Tackle it Tuesday," hosted at Five Minutes for Mom. I don't know if I am supposed to POST this on Tuesday, or DO this on Tuesday. But here is my Tackle it Tuesday:

The entertainment center, which was OUT OF CONTROL:


Now looks like this. (Okay, you are just going to have to believe me that it is done. I started writing this post at 11:00 and it is now 12:40. I got two photos loaded out of the four I was planning on posting. I am not going to wrestle with Blogger anymore.)

And I also mounted a container in the garage to store all the plastic grocery bags that we've accumulated. (Again, no photo thanks to Blogger.) They were all stuffed inside of a bag and had their home in the kitchen, over the doorknob to the garage door. I didn't like it. So, here is their new home.

Having tackled these jobs, I would like to let you know that I won't be around for a few days. I have another "job" that I have been working on for a while. I set a goal to get it done before the summer ends. And I need to put some time into it, or that won't happen.

It shouldn't take TOO long. And I will post a picture when I get it done.

Talk to you soon, peeps.

Oh, Yes I DID!

For a while now, we have had a section of vinyl fence that is missing two of its pickets. We have them. We just haven't gotten around to gluing them back on.

I found one of them in the back yard recently. The kids had been messing with it and broke the pyramid-shaped "cap" off of the end. I have no idea how we would fix it, other than try to glue that together too. But I wasn't sure how good it would look.

So, imagine my delight when I noticed that someone on our street set out two small sections of vinyl fence for the trash man. They appeared to match ours perfectly. I told Paul we should go snag them as replacement parts for our fence. He replied sort of affirmatively, in that raised-eye-brow sort of way that suggested that he wasn't going to be the one to do it.

And, although people have been known to come around with a truck and pick up a few things from the neighborhood trash piles, it has never been done by actual residents of said neighborhood. I wondered how I would look walking down the street with my neighbor's fence in my hands.

But I didn't think about it too long, because we had kids to bathe and I had groceries to buy.

Fast forward to 12:45 am. I am in bed when I remember that I haven't snagged those remnants. So...

I got up.

On the off chance that someone would actually see me, I decided I should put on a pair of shorts. I figured they'd think me weird enough for going trash hunting at 1 in the morning, I didn't need to add pajamas to the mix.

But I couldn't find a pair of my shorts, so I grabbed a pair of Paul's. Which I barely fit into, thankyouverymuch. (Maybe I need to do a few laps around the neighborhood before I haul off my finds...)

And, with flips flopping (VERY loudly, it seemed,) I walked down about 4 houses, crossed the street, made my selection, and returned home.

And if THAT doesn't say enough about me...

the fact that I am now blogging about it certainly does.

Good night.

Big Lessons from Little People

When Ms. Boo was about three and a half, we were having some issues with her regarding the inappropriate use of markers. It was a struggle for a few weeks, as she proved to be quite stubborn about it. I resorted to throwing out whichever marker she used to commit the infraction.

The marker supply was dwindling.

Eventually, I thought she might be getting the point. After a few weeks without any marker calamities, I assumed she'd grown out of that phase.

Not long after that, I remember sitting in the kitchen and realizing that she wasn't making enough noise. You know - she was up to something. So, I stopped what I was doing, scanned the room, and turned on my bionic hearing. I picked up on the sound immediately. The bathroom sink.

Immediately, visions of dripping water and all manner of soggy toilet paper come running through my head. (Innapropriate use of toilet paper being our number two problem at the time.)

Not wanting to know what she was really doing, I simply said, "Boo, get out of the bathroom."
And out she walked. Into the kitchen.

If a three-year-old could ever be described as nonchalant, this was the one. And this is what she looked like:
She went right on about her usual activities as if nothing was wrong. She had no idea that I could see anything on her face. I suspected that she'd been in the bathroom trying to clean off the marker she'd smeared all over herself. (Indeed, the clumps of green and purple toilet paper that I would later find in the bathroom were evidence of this.)

But the sweet girl thought she had removed all the marker. Thought she'd pulled one over on her mom.

I often think about this story when my relationship with God goes through periods of neglect. There is stuff in my life that I need to bring before the Lord, honestly. But I don't. Instead, I go about my usual tasks as if nothing is wrong.

Just like I didn't let Bo go on with her day before I cleaned her up, God gently intervenes with me. He lets me know that he can see whatever it is that I think I'm really hiding. And he offers to clean me up. It makes sense. No mother would let their marker-laden child try to interact with the world as if nothing was wrong. God is no different.

Folks, I have marker all over my face. It isn't so much about what I have been doing as much as it is about what I haven't been doing. Things are getting in the way of my personal fellowship with God. I know if I don't let him clean me up right now, I will slowly become calloused to the reality that my face is a mess - and getting messier by the day.

So, sorry to do this again to you all, but I am taking a break. And I don't know how long it will be. I won't be blogging. I won't be reading blogs either. Not cuz I don't love it... I do. Too much.

But I love Jesus more. Now I just need to act like it.

He who conceals his sin does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. -Proverbs 28:13

My prayer list

Folks, I don't pray nearly enough, if there is such a thing as praying "enough."

Personally, when I think of all the things I have to pray for, I feel overwhelmed. How in the world am I supposed to pray for everything? And whenever I hear people say "I pray every day for..." I start wondering how I am supposed to know which things I should pray for every day. Because, obviously, I can't pray for everything every day.

I am trying to work this out. I figure God will clue me in if I keep watching for His leading. But, anyway, that is what I am thinking.

Some of the things that I think I should pray for every day would include:
1. My family, individually and specifically.
2. That God would send laborers into the harvest. I heard someone refer to this as the only prayer request Jesus ever made, so I figure it is pretty significant.
3. And, I am sure if I were someone like Beth Moore, I could come up with a nice sentence to tie up the heart of my relationship with God and my need to continually rely upon him as a prayer request, then present it to anyone who asked, all wrapped up in a pretty red bow. But I'm not Beth Moore. So the best I can offer there is a run on sentence and some overused symbolism.

As for the myriad other things to pray for, I thought I might get the spiral bound index cards, as Heather once suggested, and put requests on it. I used to do something like this, but I assigned each card to one day of the week. Unfortunately, most of the Saturday requests were never prayed for, because I almost always missed a day and fell behind because I was trying to catch up.

But, with the new system, I thought I would just put requests on the cards and leave it out, kinda like a roladex. When I see it, I pray for whatever is there, then flip to the next one for next time. If a request gets answered, I can write the date it was answered on the card, then add a new request in place of the old one.

If I am REALLY crazy, I could even put requests on one side of the page, and scripture on the other. Then I will be reading scripture and praying all day long... or at least every time I happen by the stack of cards.

So, I am going to try it. And here are some of the requests I am going to put into my new system.

Kim's miscarriage (again) and possible molar pregnancy.

Leslie's move.

Minnie's seizures and Jake's sanity.

A little girl recovering from some major surgery.

Addie's In-Laws who have moved to the other side of the globe.

Emma Kate and Brad and their new church. (Scroll down to #3.)

Laura Ingalls Sarah and her baby girl.

My friend Elisabeth and her family, who are moving away this summer.

The locked out workers at AK Steel.

Lost folks. Specific ones.

And I would like to pray for our country. But this topic is also very overwhelming when trying to determine what to pray for.


These are just a few of the many I am sure I will come up with over the next few weeks. You got one you want to add? I'm taking requests.

Today....

- I listened to my words. And hated what I heard.

- I listened to my tone. And wondered how much more of it young ears could take before they learn to dislike themselves.

- Felt like most days - unproductive.

- I remembered that God made people with a longing for relationship. I am not, as I often think I am, unique in that respect.

- I realized that I seek relationships in other places to the detriment of my relationship with God.

- I thought about how I'd like to pursue my relationship with God just because I want to know him. But I had to admit that I pursue it for what I get out of it.

- I felt alone. And there were people all around me.

Probably not a coincidence, eh?

I Think too much

You know, those memes, like to one I did in my last post, can be answered in so many different ways. They don't actually help you get to know people, because simply answering the question (or filling in the blank) often does not give any indication as to whether the answers are THE ULTIMATE answer, or just one of many that work.

I suppose my answers to the last meme were just ones of the many that would work for me.

But, since doing it, I have been thinking. (Surprise, surprise.) And now I want to give one of THE answers.

Here it is. Take it for what it's worth (or, FWIW, Addie.)

I regret - not learning to love myself before I got married and had children. Oh the yuck that I have passed on to my familly. I really, really, regret this one a lot.

So there you have it. One of THE answers.

And, thankfully I am learning now to love myself. Praise God for that.

For all you women out there living with CHAOS: A photo essay

Warning: this post is LONG. And if you have dialup, I am sorry, b/c it will probably take forever for you to load it!

This is your formal invitation. You are hereby invited to be an uninvited guest in my home. What you are about to see is real. The characters are not actors. This is the real me, and this is my real house - the house you would see if you dropped by... uninvited.

My house is a mess. But, one thing that I have learned about myself in the past few years, is that I care about relationships more than I care what people think of my housekeeping skills. I don't LIKE it that my house is a mess. But if you came by unannounced, I would certainly invite you in... and then clear a space for you on the couch.

I have slowly learned to let go of the insecurities I have about my poor housekeeping skills, and the worry that I let myself feel over what people might think of me. This is not to say that my mentality is "I am a slob... deal with it." On the contrary, I am taking steps to change that. Baby steps. But steps.

Sometime in January, I was taking a serious look at the routines presented by the Fly Lady over on her website. While I do not adhere to every part of her program, I have learned a few basic concepts that I becoming very comfortable with. I will discuss some of those throughout this post. But I started doing some of the things she suggests, and I was enjoying a cleaner house and, more importantly, a more peaceful home. We actually invited people over to our house... SPONTANEOUSLY! It was so nice. (The CHAOS that I refer to in the title is what the Fly Lady calls "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome.")

But, I hit a little bump in the road. Part of it has to do with the depression that I am experiencing (though less and less as time goes on.) But the bigger part of it has to do with some spiritual housecleaning I have been doing also. I will get into more details about those two things later. But the point is, I let things go around the house and we returned to CHAOS.

My goal in writing this post is to encourage three different types of people:
1. those who stink at housekeeping and are too embarrassed to invite anyone over
2. those struggling with depression, and
3. those who want more of Christ but are dissatisfied with what life currently has to offer.

All of those things have come into play for me. I don't mind sharing them with people because I know someone who reads this will be able to relate. And hopefully they will also be encouraged - because I believe there is a way out of all three of those things.

So I will begin.

Chapter 1: The problem

I had been conscious of what was going on for a while, realizing how much my computer has become an idol in my life. I already knew that I was using the computer to try to fill my longing for relationships (see previous post) and that it was NOT satisfying me. I knew I needed to make God my priority rather than my computer. Yet, I kept turning to my computer. I was letting it steal time away from me. In the process, it was stealing me away from my family and my responsibilites. So, not much was getting done around the house, and when it did, I was crabby about it.

Being a stay at home mom is hard in different ways. Being needed all the time is draining. Constantly having to fend for four people (with no one around to fend for you) is draining. Every moment seems to bring a new decision. Should I give them a snack now or wait until after nap? Should I go do errands in the morning and risk them falling asleep in the car and messing up their nap? Or should I do it after nap and not have enough time to make dinner? What is the best way to deal with them coloring on the wall? or clogging the toilet?

Maybe I think too much. But there is something to be said for having to constantly deal with stuff that comes up for which there is no prescribed plan of action. The mental energy that it requires exhausts me. And when you have depression dancing around in the background, it brings anxiety and loneliness along with it. Hang out with exhaustion, anxiety, and loneliness long enough, and things get pretty desperate.

In my case, I convinced myself that the solution to this desperate situation was to make more time for ME! And, while it IS true that we need time for ourselves (and my husband and I have worked out ways for me to have "me time,") it is not true that the entire day needs to be about me. But, without realizing it, that is what I'd come to expect.... everybody leave me alone and let me be... (write a post)... (check e-mail) did anyone comment?... (read some blogs)... (escape reality)

But this past week of the Breaking Free study (by Beth Moore) encouraged me and reminded me of something that I already knew and have experienced in the past: Christ satisfies me. Regardless of the situation I am in, there is satisfaction that comes from inviting him into my day. My laundry-washing, kid-disciplining, snack-fetching day.

And what I was doing was not working. Relying on an object for satisfaction never does.

So, on Wednesday, I left the computer off. And every time I got the urge to go check e-mail, I just read some Scripture (I love Isaiah 55,) prayed, or worked on my Bible study lesson. I just let God fill me up.

And instead of "computing," I played with the kids. I sat with them during lunch. I held Bethany whenever she wanted to be held. There was time to get some housework done. I wasn't as impatient with the kids as I might otherwise have been. Amazing what one little change can do.

And I think this was the little push that I needed. God blessed in so many ways as if he was saying to me personally, "Why spend money on what is not bread and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your sould will delight in the richest of fare." (Isaiah 55:2)

God was fulfilling my need for relationship. And not having to search for it elsewhere certainly freed me up to be who I need to be for my family.

And now, my uninvited guests, welcome to my home:

Chapter 2: Refocusing on God

THIS, is what I saw on Friday morning. No, the sink isn't just full. It is OVERFLOWING!

In my FLYdays, I was doing well at keeping the sink empty. But my FLYing lapse caused me to crash land - right back into my old habits. Dishes. Not my favorite.

But, seeing this gave me an idea. I had just posted about how I wanted my blog to be one that glorifies God. So, I had the idea to let you come with me as I tackled some of my chaos. I figured that letting this secret out would free me from the demon that tells me I have to make myself "look good" on my blog. And, having read a few other blogs, I know that I am not the only woman who suffers with CHAOS. So I hoped that letting my guard down would encourage someone else to do the same. I think both of these goals would fit the criteria of glorifying God.

It took a while to get this job done. But I wasn't rushing. I had to start by unloading the dishwasher. This is my least favorite part of doing dishes. And it's how the sink got this way... because I just didn't want to unload that thing again! But I got the next load going, as shown in this next picture, then walked away until it was done.

I watched a show with the kids. And I dusted the tops of the door frames! HAH! That is SO, not something I would do. But, one thing I learned from the Fly Lady is to do one small piece of detail cleaning each day. The dust was "spilling" over the frames, so I figured this was a good one to do. Easy. And before I knew it, my dishes were ready to unload.


So I unloaded the dishwasher and got it running again. All but a few dishes were left, so I decided I needed to return to the clean sink of my FLY days. Fly Lady insists on a shiney sink. I am satisfied with CLEAN. But clean meant that I had to get rid of the slime that you see pictured here. This, fair reader, is my A-number-one MOST HATED and DESPISED task. I HATE cleaning out the drain "thingies." And if the food has been sitting there a few days (as was the case here) and become slimey, I find this absolutely LOATHESOME.

I am not complaining. I am simply stating a fact. Because my honest-to-goodness thought at the time was, I will do anything for my sink to be clean again. All the while I am hoping that my readers will be looking at the picture of my sink and thinking I can't even believe she is letting us see this... and hopefully realizing that there is no shame in letting people see our weaknesses. There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)

Laughing to myself, I start scouring the sink and I tell God I can't believe he found a way to make this fun for me. Already I am seeing how much he does care about the smallest details - like my nasty sink. And, enjoying the fellowship he offered during this endeavor, I start looking for another task that we could tackle together.

And it comes to me almost immediately. It was the one thing that I NEVER want anyone to see. EVER. This is the spot I ALWAYS think to cover when someone comes over. But my only thought is Oh, Lord... that's PERFECT. I finish up my first task, snap this picture...

And I run to the bathroom, throw open the shower curtain and snap a picture of this. At that moment I remember what the Fly Lady says about how we should feel good when we are in our homes. People, this tub does not make me feel good. I cringe every time I see it. So, I chuckle to myself because I realize that, while God is busy picking tasks that will encourage you, he is also making sure that completing them will make me feel good too. I love it!

Having snapped my picture, I turn around and I see my SPARKLING CLEAN sink, mirror, and toilet. Clean, thanks to a Fly Lady routine that I'd already been doing. So, I snap a picture of it too, lest you think I am only here to make myself look bad. There ARE a few things I am keeping up with. Why not celebrate the success? (The toilet is not pictured here, but you'll have to take my word that it is clean.)



I got out the Tilex, and sprayed down the tub. The first application did little to get the mildew off of the caulking. So I re-applied the Tilex and let it sit for a long time. In that time, I hung out with the kids, did a little laundry, put Bethany down for a nap.

When I return to the bathroom, I start scrubbing the caulking and chipping away at the soap scum that had caked up under the soap dish. It occurred to me that maybe I could actually salvage all those soap chips and reconstitute it into a brand new bar of soap. I decided I'd just stick with the cleaning for now, because MAN was it ever difficult.


And I suppose that's one reason why I never do it. Also, I don't like using harsh chemicals like Tilex... But I especially dislike the Tilex when it doesn't work... because I was having to use some serious elbow grease. I decided to get an X-acto knife so I could remove some of the uneven portions of caulking that were making it difficult to clean. But it didn't help much. So I tried my old standby, Arm and Hammer Super Washing Soda. I was pretty sure it wasn't going to do the trick, but I tried anyway... and it just made more of a mess for me to clean. So, I tried the toothbrush with bleach approach. (Bleach, another chemical I'd rather not be using.) But it just ended up that I needed to go back to my scouring sponge and scrub HARDER. The whole thing probably took about a half hour. I will admit to ignoring some "screaming" coming from the living room. I really wanted to get this one done. Eventually, I did. TA DAAAA!

Chapter 3: The REAL reason why I never scrub the bathtub


When I walked out of the bathroom, I was reminded of another reason I never clean the tub... too much time away from the young'uns.

Here is what I found on the kitchen floor. It wasn't just any laundry. It was the laundry that I had in two OVERFLOWING baskets, all of which had already been folded. But don't panic. Because this is exactly what I thought: You know what? This is not a big deal. Are you with me here, people? God had me so calm that I simply told the perpetrator to pick up the clothes and put them back in the baskets. I even took it as an opportunity to put some of that laundry away. To commemorate the fact that I was able to remain calm, I thought I would take a picture of the perp as the reloading took place.

But then I walked into the living room to find these scattered (and some broken) on the floor:

And, upon returning from the living room, I found this on the kitchen table:


Yes, that's cheese. (And yes, I wrapped it up and put it back in the refrigerator.) What you can't see in the picture is the evidence of it being rubbed all over the table.

All of this happened while I was cleaning the tub.

At this point I am about to revert to my old way of thinking: One step forward, three steps back, right? But as I write this, I am wondering if maybe God was just trying to show me that there is joy to be found with him through every little thing. It isn't about getting ahead. (That is never going to happen anyway, right?) Maybe it's just about taking care of the things I need to and feeling good about not neglecting them. With the unexpected bonus of developing my relationship with God a little more.

Who ever would have thought THAT would happen from housecleaning?

Chapter 4: I'm kind of getting into this

I enjoyed getting my first two tasks done, and wanted to do some more. Mind you, I was not frantically running around the house trying to figure out what else I coiuld do. I just worked when I could and enjoyed the kids the rest of the time. It was a very peaceful day.

I washed the window dressings from two different windows that were covered in dust and cobwebs. (Sorry, no picture of that.) Back in January when I started FLYing, Bethany's high chair quickly became a part of my daily routine. But when your sink fills up like mine did, that makes it difficult to clean up the high chair's tray. So, it was nasty (I took a picture, but I am going to spare you...) It had old food dried and caked on it. Now that my sink was clear, I thought I would quickly clean Bethany's tray and sweep out the seat... both of which had been neglected far too long. Once again, Bethany can enjoy a clean place to sit and eat... something her big brother and sister rarely got to experience!

Chapter 5: The next few jobs

This is one of my "hot spots." A hot spot is the Fly Lady's term for any flat surface where stuff just tends to migrate. The ironing board is right next to the laundry area. Whenever I come across something the kids have outgrown, I fold it up and put it in a pile on the closest flat surface... which happens to be the ironing board. (Paul irons his clothes every morning... it has become a permanent fixture right by that window.)


Here is a picture of another one of my hotspots. It is the counter area right near the kitchen door. It seems like something gets thrown there every time someone walks into the kitchen. But as part of the evening routines the Fly Lady has helped me develop, I spend two minutes cleaning hot spots every night. Two minutes is more than enough time to get this hotspot cleared. And that is exactly how it looked on Friday, because I'd worked on it the night before. (Now that little organizer might be considered a hot spot all its own. This is one area that I USED to clean when company was coming over. Not any more. The Fly Lady is BIG on getting over perfectionism. And the truth is, I don't care that that thing is a mess. It doesn't bother me. So I leave it.) And here is my clean ironing board too.

This was everything I got done by the time 4 o'clock rolled around. Not much. But not nothing either. I had to get ready for a "ladies night out" at church. I made a salad to bring, which is SO MUCH EASIER when the counters are cleared and the dirty dishes can go straight into the dishwasher!

I came home from church pretty pumped about my day with the Lord and about the things I'd heard that night that confirmed a lot of what I have been processing. Somewhere along the way, I am starting to wonder if there is anything to the old adage cleanliness in next to godliness.


So, after putting Bethany down to bed, and realizing I was alone in the house... can you guess what I did? I tackled the floor in front of my closet. Take a little looksie.

I laugh when I see this. Partly because this really isn't all that bad. I had just removed a big pile of dirty laundry from that mountain a few days earlier. But what is REALLY funny is that suitcase. Think, astute reader, what that suitcase might be a remnant of. If you said "your trip to China," YOU WIN THE PRIZE. That suitcase is full of gifts that we bought for Bethany while we were in China. But I can't GIVE them to her, because they are meant to be for birthdays as she gets older. So, what do I do? I park the suitcase in front of my closet. And I leave it there.

For five months.

There are too many things in that suitcase for me to find a "place for." And since we bought this suitcase while we were IN China (to carry home all the stuff we bought,) it doesn't have a "home" in our home, if you know what I mean. Finding a home for a big old suitcase is no small task. If I try to store it in the garage, for example, I would have to reorganize the entire garage just to get it to fit. The task has just seemed too daunting. So, the suitcase just sits there. Did I mention it's been FIVE MONTHS?


Anyway, I decided to time this one, since there wasn't much chance of being interrupted. In less than fifteen minutes, I had this. I also had a pile of stuff set aside to give away. Clutter reduction is my new mantra... oh, wait, can Christians have mantras? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, good question. (Sorry, I had to do that.)

Anyway, please note the new home I have found for my suitcase. Works for me.

Chapter 6: Spilling over into Saturday

I went out on Saturday morning to purchase an item that I have been wanting for a while. I found it at Bed Bath 'n' Beyond. I also found dryer balls. Has anyone ever heard of these? I thought I'd give them a try... but I digress.


I came home and noticed the kitchen table. It often looks like this. Why? I thought. That could be cleaned in no time. But, I know what you are thinking... Hey, Lori, what's with the ironing board? I thought you just cleared that yesterday! Well, I TOLD you it was a HOT SPOT, right? But those are the clothes I have to hang, and I don't want them getting wrinkled in the laundry basket... if you MUST know. However, the fact that I need to leave those clothes on the ironing board, brings to mind another little yucky spot that hasn't been making me feel so great. The top of the dryer. This is probably a hotspot too. So, I get to work. While I am working, a little sweetie pie decides to "help" with the socks that have to be sorted. It's only appropriate she would do this while I am cleaning the dryer. You see, Bethany thinks I moved that basket of socks to the floor so that she could have easier access to it. But no, I moved it to the floor because it is *supposed* to be (can you guess where?) ON TOP OF THE DRYER! But, of course, it didn't fit there anymore!




So, thank you, Bethany, for all your help. And, by the way, you are very cute.


Anyway, the dryer didn't take long to clear. And please notice the new contraption for hanging stuff. THAT was what I'd purchased earlier in the day. By the way, I LOVE that thing! (Yes, those are barbecue tongs. I don't have any good place to put those. But you know what? If you came over and saw those on my dryer, I wouldn't really care. I can live with barbecue tongs on the dryer.)

And, of course, we cannot forget the table. I laugh, because as I write this, it looks almost exactly like the "before" picture again. (Same diaper bag is on it, another stack of newspapers... that's worth a good chuckle, I think.) BUT, it WAS clean on Saturday... and this is what it looked like.


Now you are probably thinking, Uhhh, Lori, the laundry in those baskets looks suspiciously like the laundry that was in those baskets YESTERDAY. And, are those JEANS on the ironing board?

Man, you people don't let up! I'll get to it! I guess you have figured out that putting the clothes away is my least favorite part of doing laundry... And the jeans are only there until they finish drying.

Here - take a look at this picture (Yes, it was dark outside by the time I was able to take it... but I did it, so PIPE DOWN out there!)

That's it folks. That ended my Saturday. But I know you still have questions...

Chapter 7: What's next?

Well. My focus over these next few weeks and months will be enjoying God's presence and finding satisfaction in him. Part of that will mean joyfully living up to my responsibilities even when you guys aren't "watching" me. Additionally, I cannot let my computer take precedence over my family, my sleep, or my housekeeping. And I cannot allow myself to look to it for something that only God can provide. What does that mean for blogging? I don't know. I have to determine what my limits will be with my computer. I will be discussing this with God over the next few weeks.

Perhaps in a month or two, I can try to take a few more pictures and give you an update on how things are going. Is the house reasonably clean? Did those dryer balls work? Did anyone die from eating that manhandled cheese?

Until the next time I post... and I don't know when that will be... I will leave you with a verse that has been of great encouragement and motivation to me over these last few days:

Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you. -Hosea 10:12

Anybody got a hoe?

Smart Kids, Bad Housekeeping, and Mmm Mmm Chocolatey Goodness

Ms. Boo knows how to open the cabinet latches that I have on several cabinets around the kitchen. This isn't a problem because there isn't anything dangerous in those cabinets, and generally, she can be trusted with whatever she finds behind the doors.

There is really only one cabinet that I don't want the kids in. It contains cereal and peanut butter. And my little snacker would go nuts with unlimited access to it.

But Boo is too short to reach the latch at the top of that tall cabinet. So, its contents have remained undisturbed for a long time.

That all changed yesterday.

Unbeknownst to me, Ms. Boo climbed up on a chair and unlatched that cabinet. She decided to make some chocolate milk for herself and Bug. The part that befuddles me is that she knew how to make the chocolate milk.

See, we had this HUGE canister of Ovaltine. It was a hold-over from the days when I weaned Boo (now almost 5) and she wouldn't drink regular milk. I was trying to mix in Ovaltine to get her to drink it. But she didn't like it. And, bad housekeeper that I am, we still had that canister of ovaltine sitting in the cabinet.

We just recently finished it, and I never bought more. But Ovaltine is the only thing we have ever used to make chocolate milk.

So, what did Boo use to make chocolate milk?

Well, Nesquik, what else? (Didn't is used to be called Nestle Quik? And what do they have against the "c"?)

My husband used to use Nesquik to make homemade chocolate ice cream. Our ice cream maker broke about three years ago. But the Nesquik remains for the same reason that the Ovaltine did.
Only we have never touched it. It just sits there. I have no idea how LBoo knew what it was or what to do with it.

But she did. And before I knew what was going on, she had two cups of milk poured and had dumped a few spoonfuls of Nesquik into each one.

This was just before we left for the evening service at church last night. Neither of the kids finished their chocolate milk. So, we left for church and the chocolate milk just sat there.

Then we got invited to a friend's house after church... and we stayed kinda late. So when we came home, we just got the kids in bed. And, having promised Boo and Bug that we'd "camp out" with them in the living room, we spent a good deal of the night with them (until they fell asleep and we could sneak out.)

And, this morning, my sweet son walked up to me, innocent as you please, and started talking to me. I have no idea what he was saying, because all I noticed was the big, chocolate milk mustache he had on his face.

"Mr. Bug," I said, "what have you been eating?"

He just looked at me. Then, I remembered. The chocolate milk was still on the table (for the same reasons that the Ovaltine and the Nesquik were in the cabinet so long.)

So I told Bug that I didn't want him drinking that chocolate milk.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because it has been sitting out all night and it isn't good anymore."

"But MOM," says the boy, as if his response will somehow negate my concern about drinking spoiled milk, "It's CHOCOLATEY!"

Makes me want to kiss that spoiled chocolate milk mustache right off of his little Nesquik-y face.